Wake me when September's over

Granted, this title sounded a lot cooler last week. It’s just taken me some time to figure out how dispense current data. And I don’t want to bother trying to think of another title.

The last few weeks, I have been doing some hardcore analysis. Of my every action, emotion, and thought. And almost everyone else’s as well. It is exhausting. Why, you ask? Well, I’m Aquarian. That’s what we do. But beyond that, I really needed to decide what it is that I need in my life, as opposed to what I want. Also what brings me joy, and what does not.

There are two things in life that bother me more than anything: negativity and hypocrisy. While I know it is not wise to be unprepared in the face of adversity, I don’t believe one’s initial reaction has to be annoyance or pessimism. Life is always in motion. Things are going to happen. Things we don’t plan upon, and usually when we least expect or are prepared to face them. It doesn’t mean that it’s not manageable. Getting pissed right off the bat is the first step backward towards defeat.

Unfortunately, we find too few many in the category of “optimistic”. So when I find myself in a situation where I feel others are over-reacting, I try to ask myself the following questions, rather than just reacting to them on an emotional level… Do they know something I don’t (that would make me more concerned)? Are they suffering from low blood sugar (thereby making them more cranky)? Or do they need medication (to make them less miserable)?

I watched grown people acting like children at my brother’s wedding. And there was nothing I could do about it. You can’t call anyone on it, since a wedding is not the place for therapy. But c’mon people! How much time does one really need to get over their past and enjoy the present? And I’m not just talking about when you complain about past grievances. I saw just as much malicious intent going on. There is no guarantee that a future awaits any of us. It is a waste of time to take stick in hand and poke the sleeping dog. Much less it being a waste of maturity.

To be fair, my judgment of others made me stop and look at my own behavior. That is never much fun. My conclusion is that I need to cultivate more of my own hobbies. I spend so much time tending the house, my boys, and my job. So when other don’t act the way I want them to, I’m unhappy. Which doesn’t appear to be particularly fair. I cannot expect others to provide me more than I ask of them. Or more than they have said they are capable of. No matter how much potential they show, or how brilliant flashes of cohesion appear.

The un-fun part that I must undertake is coming to terms with that. My head tells me that it does not mean I am settling for anything less than happiness. My heart is slow to agree. Which makes leaving the expectant dreams of the past behind all the more difficult. The little “what if”s have been haunting my brain. But they lend no stability. And much liability. I must let them be.

So hopefully I will be neither negative nor hypocritical, and believe that I can do it.